Various Poems by Enquillion

 

Chapter One	Computer Cheese	Windspear Hills	Korgan The Spellcaster
The Moron Party

 

Chapter One

A mad mage, your power desires
In the process, dwarves he hires
Tortures you for being son of Bhaal
Lord of Murder, feared by all

Thieves invade, mage must defend
Minsc's muscles makes bars bend
While Imoen opens the prison cells
"Get me out of here", Jaheira yells

A party of four you now possess
You could survive with more or less
On the table weapons lie
Fight with them or else you'll die

Mephit machine is nasty indeed
Turn it off, you'll surely need
Find the device, and click it twice
Skipping this would not be wise

Slay the mephit, your first kill
But many more are standing still
Go to room of crystal formation
An unknown djinni, reveals your location

He speaks of assistance, listen you do
Of what he's saying, you have no clue
You'll have to fight, an ogre mage
Or some gibberlings, will battle wage

Slay thy opponents, djinni wishes
If you can't win here, you can't beat liches
Won the battle, you surely did
The djinni comes out from wherever he hid

Gives advice, seek out immortal
Takes you one step closer to the portal
End his life, end his pain
From this effort you will gain

A pair of cells and a stone
To make the golem move his bone
In order to open up the door
To take you closer to the core

A fearsome beast, you will face
Never will he give up the chase
Slay him godchild, use your power
But do not expect him to cower

Search the room, watch out for trap
After this, explore the map
Find a room, filled with stuff
Never can you get enough

Go northwest, from the core
To a room where books may store
Cleanse the room, of green guys
Loot their bodies, get nothing nice

Find Ilyich, and dwarven friends
Make them suffer, face their ends
Loot acorns, and a chain mail
If your weapon, take a flail

Kill the demon, end his life
On his body is lengthened knife
Go to door, of statue lock
Wouldn't open for a knock

Enter air plane, cleanse of foes
Climb the stairs, you're getting close
To a prisoner, just like you
Possesses Sword of Chaos +2

In exchange for this, flask he needs
A path out of wizards room leads
To some dryads, possessing flask
For their freedom, they will ask

Needs acorns, from dwarven man
Leave their trees, they not can
Show acorns, ask for flask
They will aid you in your task

Take the flask, to its twin
Over evil, Minsc shall win
Wielding an enchanted sword
His name shall be a fearsome word

Follow road, to other place
Trapped it is, to your disgrace
Find a key, and other things
And suddenly, a bell rings

Golems approach, wants to kill you
No match they are, for Minsc and Boo
Flee the area, meet a thief
Enemy he's not, to your relief

Join your party, he will do
Speak of area, he will too
Kill the portals, is best way
If you don't, die you may

Jaheira's dearest, dead lies there
Sorrow she feels everywhere
Find a clone, take your sword
Slay her and her little horde

6 keys you now should carry
And you would do well not to tarry
Time is short, mage may return
He surely will you to ashes burn

Disarm traps, kill the small ones
Opportunity get only once
Across the floor, statue of god
Possesses ring, but not a rod

Ring you take, and escape you try
Some assassins you will easily fry
Sun shines brightly on your skins
You see a mage, fights and wins

Admires your effort, he surely does
Imoen, shows who's boss
Cowled Wizards now appear
Doesn't like what you do here

Takes your sister along with mage
Who killed 4 of wizards in his rage
The city of coin, you now have reached
The mages defenses, you truly breached

In the slums, a helpful thief
Doesn't really share your grief
A proposal, he has for you
Which takes you on, to chapter two

 

Computer Cheese

But why do the monsters cast spells like possessed
Remove Magic exists, they have really confessed
20 protections and instantly remove yours
Makes up for cheese and the wrong course

To fight an immortal is the trade of fools
Cheese might be unfair, but it's using the right tools
You may consider casting Breach and Ruby Ray to be wise
Because those spells don't require you to roll a dice

Against a mage with insane saving throws
And some duplicates lined up in rows
Spells very different from what your book describes
And they all have paid 5k to wizards for bribes

Therefore, to use cheese is not to be lame
It's simply how they intended the game
To be played, for those who in the battle stayed
Don't live anymore, yes I'm afraid

 

Windspear Hills

The Copper Coronet, you now enter
Finding very near the center
A famous noble, rich indeed
Of your help, he is in need

10 grand he offers, the wealthy Lord
Jierdan Firkraag, needs your sword
To rid his land, of evil band
You give this noble, a helping hand

Evil monsters, they were not
Merely knights, disguised a lot
Evil thing, you now have done
Tells Garren Windspear, and then you're gone

To his cabin, to the south
Tells you Firkraag, has tricky mouth
To the Order, he begins to walk
To their members, he will talk

To make up, for your crime
Bad things happen, in meantime
Firkraag's minions, steal Garren's child
Upon return, he goes wild

Retrieve his daughter, you must do
Dangerous battle, ahead of you
Go see fairy queen, first of all
Give acorns, before Dryads fall

Then head north, to Firkraag's lair
To your surprise, he's not there
Fight hobgoblins, you are forced to do
Hardly know, what you're getting into

Slay transmuter, loot his ring
Very handy, little thing
Open door, surrounded by foes
Aside they stand, where Minsc goes

Next door hides, an empty place
Stuck you are, in Firkraag's maze
Another door, is very close
Further you walk, as evil grows

A few golems, you need to slay
Need +2, for those of clay
Talk to orcs, with hobby of kicking
Your boots, they'll likely be licking

Their petty lives, they want you to spare
Up to you, if this is fair
Head further north, and now prepare
Vampires ahead, beware, beware

Protect yourself against the negative plane
And assault the fearsome, no pain no gain
Once victorious, go further ahead
Find the shadows, a kind of undead

With the sword of light, and other steel
Make the evil, big pain feel
After the battle, check the floor
For a key, to another door

Samia there, you will face
A few treasures, she has come to chase
Aid her search, assemble mask
A very very easy task

If you have, the mentioned ring
Fire resistance, enough to bring
Death and havoc, to the fiery
When killed 6 guardians, write in diary

Mask completed, now go north
You must gather your party before venturing forth
Is a message, you'll not hear
There is no new area, behind here

Only a room, guardian within
With the mask, it's powers are thin
Loot the floor, for sword and shield
Put on someone, who can wield

Samia says, she wants the stuff
With this treasure, she's not tough
When you've won, go to bed
Her blows may have struck your head

Now head back, to door of key
Now is point, where none can flee
Ahead is wolfweres, versatile foe
Steel yourself, ahead we go

Another victory, for your cause
Learn the evil, to follow laws
Acquire helm, face being of air
After him, golems next to stair

First go help, wounded knight
Lied he did, wolfweres you fight
Upon triumph, climb the stair
You're getting closer, to heart of lair

Slay the golems, big and dumb
To this foe, you'll not succumb
Tazok and DigDag, you now must beat
If you hope, to Fikraag defeat

Talk to child, she asks for key
Kill the mage, to get her free
Down you go, face the boss
Says that Gorion, did spells toss

On him once, it hurt indeed
But for now, a stair will lead
Up again, to fight with mage
Victory here, done with stage

Wizard dead, loot the key
Iltha screams, rescue me!
Free she is, dragon you'll face
Kill him you may, in many ways

After victory, or giving in
Return to, Garren's cabin
Thank you truly, he will do
Quest experience, you'll gain too

Paladin stronghold, you now receive
Say bye to Garren, and take your leave
You've faced an evil, a worthy foe
Who faced Gorion, years ago

 

Korgan The Spellcaster

Korgan the spellcaster
Quit his job as fighter
"Magic goes so much faster,
and a staff is so much lighter
Of course my greed didn't stop me
From paying the 5k gold fee
To the admirable cowled wizards
I don't drink beer, I love lizards
I like pointy ears and narrow eyes
I have taste for other guys
Axe is a bad, evil tool
Chopping trees is art of fool"

Nalia, the noble girl
Wants go out, see the worl'
Ain't afraid, of older men
Joins with them, for 5 or 10
Pay to poor, she intends
Actually, she money lends
Tells the poor, to pay back
If they don't, she will track
Them throughout, the entire city
Now the sl*t, ain't so pretty

Viconia, the blue-skinned elf
Only thinks, about herself
Sex and torture, is her life
You wouldn't want her, as your wife
A normal day, she cheats on you
Thanks to Edwin, and drinks 2
Edwin says, he's good in bed
Maybe she likes, men in red
Happy she didn't, turn out at all
"You will by my dagger fall!"
Was the last, he got to hear
Tried to flee, in his fear
Stabbed in back, now he died
Minsc shows, up, petrified
Thanks to Edwin's, final spell
Minsc is hard, Viconia can tell
Happy she becomes, filled with joy
A being of good, is now her toy

 

The moron party

Bardic moron, that's me
Haer'Dalis on a killing spree
Fighter/Mage would do it faster
Let the moron think he's master

Helmite jerk, sitting here
Talking bullshit, barely near
The opinion of my party, but who cares
They should only mind, my affairs

Druidic fuckers, we are two
Balance is important, aight Boo
Instead of killing the bad guy
We go to the forest and cry
Hoping that our tear'
Will bring back balance here

Dumbo wannabe, and turnip nerd
The infamous Jan, his name you've heard?
Stupid stories, in endless supply
Gimme banana, or Edwin will die